While I was jogging last night and my feet pounded the grass, my mind started pondering what actually motivates me to do things. Determination, determination from where, what, HUH?
HAHA, fuck no. more like ‘Stubbornness’, ‘Ego’ and ‘Pride’. I had a chat with myself for almost 20mins about this (in my mind of course) and the conclusion is:
Determination probably can’t exist without the interference of ‘Stubborness’, ‘Pride’ and ‘Ego’. If I had it my way, I’d predefine ‘Determination’ as a spinoff word from ‘Stubborn’. It’s probably a word that was sprung up to make human deeds look like they’ve been fuelled by positivity instead of the words that have a taint of negativity on them. Throw in ‘self-loving’, ‘vanity’ and ‘joy of being conceit’ to that string of thoughts.
If determination is not the spinoff of stubbornness, then what is it? What fuels your determination?
Maybe I’m being myopic, basing this theory on myself – I have a deep-rooted suspicion mine stems from hardcore stubbornness and ego – simple true and pure (okay so maybe not suspicion persay…). As much as Procrastination is my Kong-Pao Chicken when it comes to making decisions, there’ve been moments where I just get things done cause of some undercurrent ego that’s probably been bruised by a passing cloud. The cloud may have rained down on me and floated away, but leaving behind an uncovered area where the sun shines brightly down on a very soaked me like a freaking spotlight in mockery, very disturbingly-so.
Case-in-Example: When I was a teen, my sister-in-law bet that I wouldn’t be able to wake up early and go for a jog. (Okay, in retrospect she may have been trying to help me get my feet moving and prep for cross country.) The next morning I was up, out and back in a glistering shimmer of sweat (cause my metabolic rate is just shit-bad) even before my sister-in-law had her morning cuppa coffee.
I indulge in the ‘feel-good’ theory that comes once things are done – which should be a good thing. So all hail my stubbornness, atleast for the ‘right’ causes.
|Okay, maybe not that hardcore stubborn till I’m all purple-faced? Image doesn’t belong to me, cool it.|
- Illumi Run on 7th Dec with +Antoinette Patterson, +Hari Kumar , +anu parasuraman +Thulasi Mahadevan and a couple of others who have yet to make their astounding presence known.
- Cycling –> Biking
Hang on, have gym tmr at 8am – Bodycombat they say.
Oh joy, the pleasures of mental self-mutilation.